Character Creation and Critique

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THE_BUTLER00
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Character Creation and Critique

Post#11 » 20 Apr 2017 15:41

Name: Chrome Heraldric
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Appearance: Chrome wears a suit of chrome armor with small round stones attached to the belt. He has long platinum blonde hair and green eyes. He's of medium height, and an above average build.
Personality: Chrome believes in power, meaning he must be the strongest in the room. He doesn't like to have outside help, and doesn't give it either. He tends to work alone, and doesn't like it when people get in his way during a fight.
Strengths and Abilities: Chrome is great at all types of combat, whether it be up close or far ranged. He's strong, and well protected by his armor.
Weaknesses and Fears: Chrome is not so fast in his armor's base form, as it is a heavy suit of metal armor. He also isn't the best at stealth in his regular form either. He has crippling fear of insects, tight spaces, and ghosts.
Equipment:

Sword of Ancients: Chrome's sword has a slot for his stones to be placed in, which gives it different weapon forms.
Shield of Rome: A round buckler shield with a slot for his stones that gives him different damage resistances.
Heraldry Armor: His armor that has a slot for his stones that give the armor other forms.
Giga: A flying drone that can be given stones to transform.
Stones:
Rose- Pink stone that can control plantlife.
Tenné- Orange stone that can control metals.
Gules- Red stone that can control fire.
Argent- Silver stone that can control ice and water.
Vert- Green stone that can control wind.
Sable- Black stone that can control darkness.
Purpure- Purple stone that can control poison.
Or- Gold stone that can control light.
Murrey- Bronze stone that can control rock.
Backstory: Chrome is a knight of the Royal Knighthood of the planet Haysall 511.86. His planet is much like feudal Earth, when knights roamed around and travel was done on horses. That was until a small drop pod landed on the planet and he met Giga. Giga gave him a mission to accompany her in finding all of her gemstones, which allowed great power where she was from. In the later days of his mission, after he found them all, he came face to face with the menace that used the stones for evil on Giga's planet, a man named Raqiux G. Flaxdon. A demonic figure with large ram-like horns, red skin, and dragon-like claws.

OOC: I just posted this to see if I could get this guy peer edited.
"I am no one's blessing, I'll just bring you harm, I'm a cursed black cat, I'm an albatross, I'm a mirror broken, Sad to say, I'm your bad luck charm." - Bad Luck Charm - Jeff Williams (RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack)

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smartdevon
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Character Creation and Critique

Post#12 » 05 Jul 2017 20:52

I'm bringing this back

Butler the biggest flaw I see in your character is that the weaknesses you included seem to be purely combat based. There are lots of characters whos motivations are power. But the difference between the good ones and the bad ones are their personalities, specifically, their personality flaws, and how they affect their quest for power. Instead of physical weaknesses, this type of character benefits most from character wrakneszes that they must overcome.
Im a writer, and game designer. Follow me on twitter for tweets that have nothing to do with either of those (@ThurgoodDevon): https://twitter.com/ThurgoodDevon?s=09

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smartdevon
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Character Creation and Critique

Post#13 » 29 Jul 2017 21:36

Redid this character. Let me know what you guys think.

Name: Terrace Crow
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Description: Terrace is world famous right now but for all the wrong reasons. Terrace is a jewel theif known as The Shadow. Whenever Terrace completes a theft he always leaves behind a note to take credit.
Personality: Terrace is quite the flirt, and charisma to spare. He seeks not riches but fame. He's also quite the jokester. Terrace follows his own morals, and has never killed a man in his life. When terrance isnt on a heist, he's actually a really swell guy.
Talents/notable abilities: Lock-picking, planning, acrobatics, intellect, and theft.
Weaknesses: Terrace does not have muscle, and does not know any martial arts. In hand to hand combat Terrace will lose. He's also allergic to bees. Terrance also likes to show off too much, leading to riskier situations. Terrance also suffers from a complicated father-son relationship, and when his father gets on his mind he loses focus.
Fears: Terrance is afraid of disappointing his father, though he himself doesn't know it. He also has a fear of bees because of his allergy.
Backstory: Terrace studies Criminal investigation and Law in college. He's on a path to become a detective. Just like his father. Of course his father doesnt know of his secret agenda. Terrance took up grand larceny to make a celebrity of The Shadow. Terrances' father, Detective Crow, was always too busy with work to pay much attention to Terrance or his sister. Terrance became a Phantom Theif so good, that The Shadow took the forefront of Detective Crow's mind, but soon Terrance came to relish the act of theivery in of itself. The heist that made him most famous was when he stole the hope diamond. Unlike his other gems, he still has this diamond today.
Terrance uses some of the jewels he steals to pay for schooling, living expenses, and expensive clothes and food, aswell as plane ticketsand gear he needs to pull off heists, however, he did keep the jewel that made him famous. The Hope Diamond.
Appearance: terrace has medium length brown hair in a pompedor and flat brown eyes that stare daggers.. He has a thin face, long nose, and a clean shave. He perfers button up shirts with an T-shirt underneath on most days. But when he takes the form of his alterego The Shadow, Terrance wears a black cape and a blue masquerade.
Fatal Flaw: Terrace doesn't have too much self control, and is easily tempted by lust or greed.
Last edited by smartdevon on 26 Sep 2017 03:59, edited 6 times in total.
Im a writer, and game designer. Follow me on twitter for tweets that have nothing to do with either of those (@ThurgoodDevon): https://twitter.com/ThurgoodDevon?s=09

Xannytoes
Posts: 140

Character Creation and Critique

Post#14 » 30 Jul 2017 12:21

smartdevon wrote:Source of the postSNIP


Okay, so here's some of the critique I have.

Terrance has a lot of talents and strengths. A lot. At the age of 24, he's a world famous thief, is great at acting, dancing and acrobatics, knows physics and geometry, etc... Meanwhile, in between his life as a thief, he's a student and somehow able to remain top of the class. He only has one real weakness, the "useless at combat" one, but this could easily be evaded in the roleplay because of how sneaky sneaky Terrance is.

He needs to be toned down quite a fair bit. He might be smart, but even Lelouch from Code Geass couldn't maintain his school life that well whilst he was masquerading as Zero. As he's so young, I doubt he had a lot of time to learn all of these abilities. So, I'd focus on a select few. Make him a master thief, sure. But there really needs to be a reason WHY he's world famous. Did he break into a security complex no one else could? Did he steal the crown jewels? Develop the backstory a little more.

A minor critique, but the whole "doesn't want the things he steals" idea has been done a lot. Maybe you can shake it up a little bit? Have him spend it on parties or something, just for a little twist.

A young hero is fine, but keep in mind they haven't had the chance to fully develop their skills yet.

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smartdevon
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Character Creation and Critique

Post#15 » 30 Jul 2017 19:02

Thanks for the advice! I edited the character accordingly.
Im a writer, and game designer. Follow me on twitter for tweets that have nothing to do with either of those (@ThurgoodDevon): https://twitter.com/ThurgoodDevon?s=09

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smartdevon
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Character Creation and Critique

Post#16 » 26 Sep 2017 03:51

Well I finally got to use Terrance Crow. He helped Launch the Starlight Hotel roleplay.
Im a writer, and game designer. Follow me on twitter for tweets that have nothing to do with either of those (@ThurgoodDevon): https://twitter.com/ThurgoodDevon?s=09

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